fruit of the doom.
Oh you precious thing. Your father and I have waited and waited for this moment, and now here you are. You tried to hide under that leaf, but we saw you, little coquette! Has there ever been a more adorable alpine mignonette strawberry in the history of alpine mignonette strawberries? Mais non! Bisous, our sweet darling!
p.s. You have no father. That’s right, you’re a bastard. Were a bastard, actually.