caesar?! I didn’t even touch her.

I don’t know. I’m just so tired. So very, very tired. There are so many things for which the Sprogs deserve to be punished every day, I can’t keep up. I need a fulltime personal assistant just to monitor their various infractions so that each one may be properly addressed. It’s like, they’ll go for a week without sneaking cups of sugar out of the pantry at 4:30 a.m., and I’ll think we’re making progress, but then William will draw a picture of an elephant butt taking a dump in the upper right-hand corner of his spelling test where, actually, his name and the date should be. I suspect that his teacher has adopted a strategy of ignoring this kind of jackassery, based on the fact that this came home without a note of concern from the school counselor. And what a refreshing contrast this bears to the half-dozen phone calls I got from a certain unnamed person with a BA in psychology when William, in first grade, spent a month signing all his schoolwork with the nom de guerre “Sausage.”

On the other hand, parent-teacher conferences are next week, and I have a vision of walking into the classroom only to be assailed by a very thick, three-ring binder detailing my son’s many offenses. Compiled by his teacher’s fulltime personal assistant.


  1. Reply
    Allison October 27, 2012

    Quoi? Excise Caesar’s bilateral submarine?
    Very tricky mots. I’m impressed.

  2. Reply
    Sarina Vetterli October 28, 2012

    Good luck with the parent-teacher conference next week, you’re going to need it. In all seriousness, you shouldn’t worry. I think he’s brilliant! The teacher surely laughed when she saw his paper, and how often does she get a laugh when grading such boring tests? She’ll probably thank you effusively for producing such an extraordinary child.

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